Love in the 21st Century: Set up for Disappointment

Over time, humans have had different reasons for getting married (and divorced). We have married for support, survival, property, inheritance, parents’ wishes, procreation, and love — though love was not the primary driver. More recently, that has changed and this idea of having to marry a”true love” has flourished. But in a society that has become more individualized and where couples have fewer support systems in place than ever before, the pressure to be “everything” to our partners — what we expect from “true love” — may be too much, and just unrealistic, for even the strongest of couples. This article explores that idea –– and the disappointments this can cause. No person or couple could possibly be the best support system, the best communicator, the best lover, the best co-parent, the person who understands and accepts absolutely everything about you with all of the same interests and values, and the person who can best motivate you to be and do your best. I appreciate couples therapist Alexandra Solomon‘s insight and compassion-based approach to finding love — which asks us to look inward first through “self-relational awareness“. This suggests it’s not about finding the right partner — who will fulfill all of our wants and needs. It is learning to “be” the right partner — which opens up a whole lot of doors to finding reality-based, mutually loving, respectful relationships – warts and all. Are there areas of your relationship or dating life you want to examine? Parts of yourself that might be getting in the way of both acceptance and growth? Get in touch. I’m here to help.

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