Many of my clients come to therapy because they feel stuck in patterns they can’t explain. Maybe you find relationships overwhelming, maybe you carry a constant sense of shame, or feel like your identity never quite solidified.
Some describe themselves as the “black sheep” of the family—the one who never quite fit, who got blamed, or who noticed things (and sometimes named) no one else would name.
These experiences are often rooted in relational trauma and Complex PTSD (CPTSD)—chronic emotional injuries that quietly shape how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, and how safe we feel in the world.
But these patterns aren’t life sentences. With the right support, they can become powerful gateways to healing and growth.
What Is Relational Trauma?
Relational trauma isn’t about one big event—it’s about ongoing emotional wounds in close relationships, often starting in childhood. It happens when a child’s basic need for emotional safety, care, and validation isn’t met consistently.
Some common experiences that can lead to relational trauma include:
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Being shamed or dismissed for having needs or feelings
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Feeling like love or attention was conditional
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Chronic criticism, neglect, or conflict
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Playing the adult role as a child (also called parentification)
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Being scapegoated, excluded, or silenced
Because these wounds happen in the context of attachment, they often leave lasting imprints on how we trust, connect, and view ourselves—even years later.
CPTSD: When Trauma Becomes a Pattern
Complex PTSD (CPTSD) develops from long-term exposure to emotional trauma, especially in childhood. Unlike PTSD, which is often linked to a single incident, CPTSD reflects repeated relational injuries.
In adulthood, CPTSD can look like:
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Struggles in relationships—fear of abandonment, or avoiding closeness entirely
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Emotional overwhelm or shutdown
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A fractured sense of identity—feeling “too much,” or never enough
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Chronic guilt, shame, or self-blame
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Hypervigilance—always scanning for rejection, even in safe relationships
Many adults with CPTSD seek therapy in Ontario and elsewhere without even realizing these symptoms stem from early relational wounds. In fact, for the most part, they are coming in for other issues without realizing how these wounds are interfering.
The “Black Sheep” Experience: Painful but Insightful
If you’ve ever felt like the family outcast, you’re not alone. Many people with relational trauma and CPTSD carry what’s known as the “black sheep” identity.
This might include:
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Being the one who gets blamed or scapegoated
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Holding different values from the rest of the family
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Feeling exiled for being sensitive or emotionally aware
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Speaking uncomfortable truths that others want to avoid
While painful, this role often reveals a deep intuitive resistance to dysfunction. You weren’t broken—you were tuned in. Therapy can help you reclaim this sensitivity as strength, not shame.
Short Case Glimpses (Names Changed)
Rob, a high-achieving professional, came to therapy exhausted from perfectionism. Love had always been tied to performance in his childhood and by how much he gave of himself to help out his family. With therapy that addressed both symptoms and root causes, she began to soften her inner critic and value herself for who she is—not just what she does.
Kendra felt like an outsider at every family gathering (which would also occur in other groups outside her family). Over time, she realized she had been cast as the scapegoat to distract from deeper generational pain in the family. With support, she learned to reframe her story, found her voice, addressed some of her abandonment fears, took some space from her family to heal, and surrounded herself with friends who felt more like “chosen family” who respected her truth.
These transformations aren’t rare—they’re the result of healing in a safe, supportive environment.
Healing Requires Both Body and Mind
Relational trauma lives in both the nervous system and the internal story we carry. That’s why a trauma-informed approach integrates both bottom-up and top-down healing methods:
These include but are not limited to:
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EMDR therapy
- EFT
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Breathwork
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MBCBT
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Trauma-informed yoga
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Internal Family Systems (IFS)
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Narrative Therapy
- Grief work
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Attachment-based Therapies
These approaches can help work through the trauma being held in your nervous system while also helping you reframe internal stories, cultivate self-compassion, and build a new, integrated identity—one that goes beyond the “black sheep.”
Post-Traumatic Growth: Breaking Cycles, Building Something New
Healing from relational trauma is not just about symptom relief. It can lead to profound post-traumatic growth—a deeper, more authentic way of being.
This might look like:
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Developing deeper emotional attunement
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Building chosen families and safe relationships
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Living in alignment with your true values
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Reclaiming creativity and joy
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Practicing self-compassion and embodied self-care
You don’t have to carry the weight of family roles or shame forever. You can become the cycle-breaker, the truth-teller, the healer—not just for yourself, but for future generations.
In Closing: You Are Not Broken
If you’ve ever felt like something’s wrong with you, like you’re too sensitive, or too much to handle, a problem to those around you—know this: your pain makes sense.
Relational trauma and CPTSD may explain the patterns you’re trying to change. But they do not define you. And they are absolutely treatable with the right support.
If you’re ready to begin your healing journey with a trauma-informed therapist in Ontario, you don’t have to do it alone.
You are not broken. You are human—and healing is possible.
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