“There’s something wrong with me. I just need to focus better.”
“I feel overloaded. I think I have ADHD because I can’t keep up.”
“If I could just show up more for my partner after work, I wouldn’t be letting people down.”
“I need to do more or my boss or clients will fire me.”
These are words I hear often from clients in my practice in Hamilton and across Ontario. Many are millennials or Gen Xers in particular who arrive in therapy feeling maxed out, are convinced that focus is the problem and are talking to their doctors about stimulant medication as the answer.
Sometimes ADHD truly is part of the story. ADHD is a real neurodevelopmental condition that can impact attention, energy, and relationships. For some people, seeking medical assessment and treatment is an important and empowering step.
But often, what shows up in therapy is something different: exhaustion from overwork, the weight of impossible expectations, and a deep, painful belief of being “never good enough.”
The “Never Good Enough” Belief
At the root of so much burnout lies this core belief: “I’m not good enough.”
That inner message often drives people to:
• Work harder than is humanly possible
• Say yes when they desperately want to say no
• Try to meet everyone else’s needs first
• Judge themselves harshly when they slow down, miss deadlines, leave impossibly tall tasks incomplete.
In today’s workplaces across Hamilton, the South GTHA, and across North America really, where corporate cutbacks mean fewer staff doing more work, this belief can become amplified. The result is exhaustion, guilt, and the relentless pressure to keep pushing — even when there’s nothing left to give.
When Focus Problems Aren’t Always ADHD
Many clients describe difficulty concentrating, feeling scattered, or constantly distracted. These are sometimes signs of ADHD or other conditions. But they can also be what happens when the nervous system is overloaded with stress.
Burnout can mimic ADHD-like symptoms:
• Forgetting small tasks because your brain is fried
• Feeling restless because your body is in constant fight-or-flight
• Struggling to focus because you’re emotionally and physically depleted
This doesn’t discount ADHD. It simply means that when focus breaks down, it’s important to consider multiple factors — from neurodivergence, to stress, to the impact of burnout.
The Attachment Lens: Where “Never Enough” Begins
Many people discover that “never good enough” didn’t begin at work. It often traces back to earlier attachment experiences:
• People-pleasing: Some grew up believing love depended on keeping others happy.
• High parental demands: Others had caregivers who expected perfection or offered praise only for achievements.
• Parentified roles: Some were children who had to take care of their parents emotionally or practically.
• Financial instability: For many, growing up with insecurity meant pushing harder to feel safe.
These early experiences shape how we respond to stress in adulthood. In therapy, noticing these attachment roots helps clients soften self-blame and shame, and see why the pressure to over-function feels so strong.
The To-Do List… and the To-Don’t List
One radical shift that sometimes emerges in therapy with me is the “to-don’t list.” Don’t panic!
Instead of endlessly adding more, the question becomes:
• What can I set down? Or take off my list?
• What am I doing only because guilt tells me I should?
• What does rest look like if I allow it? What would happen if I said no?
Contrary to what we are often told, this isn’t about being lazy. It’s about survival — and about challenging the “never good enough” belief that always demands more.
How Therapy Makes Sense of This
Different therapeutic lenses bring different insights to the cycle of burnout:
• Attachment & EFT/EFFT: explore how patterns of people-pleasing or fear of letting others down show up in adult relationships.
• IFS / Parts Work: uncover the “manager” who pushes harder, the “critic” who never stops judging, and the exhausted “exile” who just wants rest.
• Mindfulness & DBT-informed: help regulate an overwhelmed nervous system and bring attention back to the body.
• CBT influences: question thoughts like “I’m always failing” or “I’m letting everyone down.”
• EMDR-informed: address earlier memories where the roots of “never enough” were planted.
Together, these lenses create a compassionate space to notice — maybe the problem isn’t that you’re broken, but that the expectations placed on you are unsustainable.
The Bigger Picture
There’s also a cultural and systemic layer. Our society praises productivity while undervaluing rest and presence. Many clients in Hamilton and Ontario I have worked with, find themselves caught in workplaces that push for more while offering less support. Indeed many of my clients receive the validation they so often want or need, when they do push themselves to their limits — be it with words, money, promises of more success. It can be really confusing!
Burnout is not just a personal weakness. It’s often a systemic issue colliding with personal history. Therapy can’t change the whole system, but it can help you change how you relate to yourself within it.
Finding Another Way
If you’re in Hamilton, the South GTHA or across Ontario, and this resonates, you’re not alone. Therapy can help you slow down, explore the “never good enough” belief, and discover more compassionate ways of living and relating.
Call to Action:
If you’re feeling burnt out, unfocused, or like you’re always letting others down, I invite you to reach out for a consultation. You are not broken, you are human. Together, we can explore whether therapy might be supportive for you. I offer in-person therapy to individuals, couples, and families from Hamilton, Burlington, Ancaster, Dundas and the Southern GTHA. I also offer online therapy across Ontario and in some other provinces.
Disclaimer:
This blog is for informational purposes only. It is not therapy, nor is it a substitute for medical, psychological, or psychiatric care. Psychotherapists in Ontario do not diagnose conditions or prescribe medication. If you are concerned about ADHD or another mental health condition, please consult a qualified physician, psychologist, or psychiatrist.
#HamiltonTherapy #BurnoutCulture #NeverGoodEnough
