This is the second blog in my estrangement series. I hope it will help those navigating estrangement, especially where children are concerned.
Family estrangement is often discussed as a conflict between adults — a parent and child, siblings, or in-laws. But the ripple effects rarely stop there. Children feel it. Partners feel it. Entire branches of a family quietly disappear, leaving losses that are rarely named or supported.
Many people I’ve worked with in therapy not just grieving who they’ve lost — but who their children have lost, too.
The Hidden Grief Children Carry
When siblings become estranged after years of unresolved conflict, divorce-related loyalty binds, or prolonged misunderstandings, children often lose access to cousins, aunts, uncles, and shared traditions overnight. There is no death, no funeral, no social script — just absence.
Consider this example:
Two sisters stop speaking after years of escalating tension. Their children, cousins, once close, drift apart. As the years pass, the children grow up as strangers — a loss no one officially acknowledges.
This is a form of disenfranchised grief — grief that isn’t publicly recognized or validated. Children may internalize confusion, self-blame, or the belief that relationships are fragile and conditional.
Estrangement Between Siblings: A Unique Kind of Loss
Sibling estrangement carries its own weight. Unlike parent-child estrangement, there is often no clear cultural narrative to help people make sense of it. Yet sibling relationships are typically the longest relationships of our lives.
When sibling estrangement occurs, as a result of many different factors, therapy often reveals layers of grief tied not just to the present rupture, but to the shared future that will never unfold — aging parents, milestones, caregiving decisions, and mutual support that will now happen alone — or in a climate of tension and conflict.
How Therapy Helps Families Hold This Pain
Therapy doesn’t assume reconciliation is the goal. Instead, it creates space to:
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Name losses that were never validated
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Help parents support children without oversharing or burdening them
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Process guilt, anger, and grief without rushing resolution
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Interrupt patterns of silence or emotional cutoff
When families do explore repair, approaches like Emotionally Focused Family Therapy help rebuild empathy and dialogue at a pace that protects everyone’s emotional safety.
Repair Without Pressure
Some families attempt repair not to “go back,” but to reduce harm going forward. This may mean limited contact, parallel relationships, or clarifying boundaries that allow children to hold multiple relationships without loyalty conflicts.
For parents attempting reconciliation with estranged adult children, I may also integrate Coleman’s repair letters, supporting them in expressing accountability and care without expectation or coercion. Therapy remains a container for whatever follows — connection, silence, or something in between.
Local Support for Complex Family Fractures
I work with individuals and families across Hamilton, Burlington, Niagara, and other parts of Ontario, offering both in-person therapy and secure online sessions. Many clients find in-person work especially supportive when navigating intergenerational grief and emotionally complex family dynamics.
Family estrangement doesn’t just end relationships — it reshapes identity, belonging, and future generations. Therapy offers a place to grieve honestly, communicate differently, and decide what kind of legacy you want to carry forward.
Email for a free consultation at www.ontariotherapist.com
Disclaimer
This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for psychotherapy or mental health treatment.
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