Let’s be honest—if Gen X had a tagline, it might be: We’ve got this. Don’t worry about us. We were raised to be independent, resourceful, emotionally contained. We navigated a childhood of latchkey afternoons, minimal supervision, and early exposure to adult responsibilities. And now? We’re the bridge between two higher need, very vocal generations: our Boomer parents and our Gen Y/Z kids. And sometimes the stress is overwhelming.
Gen X is the generation the ones managing our parents’ increasing medical appointments while trying to support teenagers through mental health crises and identity awakenings. We’re also working full-time, still partnered (or recently divorced), still expected to be emotionally available, and somewhere in there—supposedly taking care of ourselves.
We are the Sandwich Generation, and it’s not just logistical—it’s existential.
The Invisible Weight of Holding It All Together:
As a therapist, I hear this undercurrent all the time from Gen X women:
“I’m the one who remembers everyone’s appointments.”
“My kid is melting down and my dad’s memory is fading, and I’m just… supposed to hold steady?”
“I’ve got no one asking how I’m doing—but I’m the glue, right?”
Gen X women are tired in a way that goes beyond sleep. It’s soul fatigue.
It’s not simply that we’re/they’re juggling tasks—it’s the emotional labour of it all. Translating old-school beliefs from our parents to our gender-expansive teens. Managing everyone’s feelings about therapy, change, identity, grief—while rarely having space for our own.
This Isn’t Just Burnout. It’s Ambiguous Loss.
Psychologist Pauline Boss coined the term ambiguous loss—grief without closure, mourning something that’s shifting but not gone. Sound familiar?
We’re grieving the parents we once relied on (or hoped to have relied on) — now physically present but slipping mentally, emotionally, and materially. We’re mourning the children who once needed us so viscerally, now pulling away into their own worlds. And sometimes, we’re quietly grieving our own unlived lives—the dreams we delayed, the identities we postponed while caretaking.
That’s not just a “phase.” That’s a midlife reckoning.
Gen X: The Existential Generation
Existential therapy tells us that life is full of unavoidable givens: death, freedom, isolation, and meaning. Generation X is confronting them all—at once. We’re attending funerals, driving to therapy with our teens, questioning marriages, longing for solitude, and wondering if it’s too late to become a writer, yoga teacher, or just… a person with needs.
We’re not melting down. We’re waking up. And that’s destabilizing at times — not just for us but for those around us used to seeing and working with us in particular ways.
Therapy, at its best, offers a place to do that gently. Not to fix what’s broken, but to listen to what’s quietly asking for more. It is a place to explore ways Gen X women have deselfed and to help them reself.
Consider the case of client “Rina.” She is almost 50, and coming to therapy feeling “completely flattened.” Her teenage son had been recently diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD. Her father needs more care but resists moving into assisted living, but continues to call his daughter regularly for help with various needs. Her partner, well-meaning but not particularly available, assumes she has it all handled. “I don’t even know what I like anymore,” she said during our first session. “I just need everyone to be okay so I can breathe.” Over time, therapy helped Rina reconnect with her own preferences, her own rhythms. We made space for grief, yes—but also for agency. She started drawing again, setting boundaries with her family, asking for help, and slowly rebuilding her sense of self. Often this requires beginning to create “to don’t lists” instead of more “to-do lists” — revolutionary! Especially for Gen X women who were told they could and should be able to do it all! The women I work with cannot even imagine another way before starting therapy. But when these women start reclaiming their identities (with lots of apologies and second guessing to start), the whole system recalibrates.
Permission Slips for the Sandwich Generation:
In therapy, we help Gen X women learn “You don’t need to earn your rest. You don’t need to prove your worth by never needing help. And you’re allowed to feel confused, angry, numb, or lost—even if your to-do list is still getting done”.
Here’s what I wish more Gen X women knew:
• Saying “I need space” doesn’t make you selfish.
• Not fixing everything doesn’t make you a failure.
• Being overwhelmed is a human response—not a weakness.
• Midlife isn’t a crisis. It’s a crossroads.
Therapy Is the Place Where You Get to Be Held
If you’ve been the one doing the holding, maybe it’s your turn. You don’t need to wait for burnout or collapse. You can begin now—naming the feelings that haven’t had a home, sorting through grief that doesn’t have a tidy label, and imagining who you’re becoming in this next season.
Therapy isn’t indulgent. It’s revolutionary. And you are not defective. You are human.
Ready to come home to yourself?
If you’re in the sandwich of it all or just need a place to exhale, you’re not alone. I work with women like you—brilliant, resilient, and ready for a different kind of support.
Book a free consultation today. Let’s talk about what’s shifting, what hurts, and what’s still possible.
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