Going through a separation at any time is destabilizing. But going through it during the holidays can feel like the emotional equivalent of walking through a crowded room while your life quietly falls apart inside you.
A client might say something like, “Everyone assumed we were fine because we still showed up to the family dinner. They had no idea we drove there in two separate cars or that we had been arguing for hours.” Or they might talk about “coming together for the kids” but feeling tense, and hating every moment of it — feeling like they are dying inside. Separation often happens long before it’s spoken out loud — and the holidays, full of expectation and obligation, tend to magnify the gap between what the world sees and what is happening emotionally and physically inside of you.
As a trauma, grief, family and couples therapist, I often see separation activate old attachment wounds. The part that fears abandonment, the part that blames itself, the part that feels strangely relieved, the part that’s terrified of what comes next. These parts collide during the holidays, when memories and expectations are at their loudest.
My approach isn’t to push coping skills without understanding the internal chaos. Instead, I help you understand why the separation is activating your body so intensely. This is grief work. And more. Your nervous system is trying to interpret: Are we safe? Are we losing connection? Are we failing? Are we free?
And the answers change moment to moment.
For some clients, the first holiday post-separation feels like a quiet and liberating rebellion. It might mean taking a slow morning, fewer obligations, a reclaimed sense of self. For others, it feels like an emotional earthquake. Both experiences are valid. Both reflect pieces of your story.
If you’re co-parenting, the holidays can feel like a logistical and emotional storm. People often say things like, “I need to be strong for the kids,” but in EFFT and trauma-informed parenting, we know kids don’t need a perfect parent — they need a regulated one. Sometimes that means sharing age-appropriate truth: “This year looks different for all of us, and that’s okay. We’re figuring it out together.”
Therapy helps you explore the root pieces — old relational patterns, unhealed wounds, emotional roles you carried in the relationship — and the current symptoms, like anxiety, numbness, conflict, or decision fatigue. We work on ways to help you feel grounded, make sense of the emotional layers, and help you move forward without repeating old cycles.
You don’t have to pretend you’re okay this holiday season. You also don’t need to collapse under the weight of everything changing at once. Support exists. And you get to start where you are.
I offer in-person and online therapy across Ontario, with a free consult if you’re navigating separation and need a safe place to land. Reach out if you are looking for help with separation or divorce support this holiday season.
#SeparationSupport #HolidayStress #DivorceRecovery #AttachmentHealing #EMDR #IFS #EFT #HamiltonTherapist #OntarioTherapist
