We therapists know all too well that grief doesn’t always follow a clear path. Sometimes, the pain we carry doesn’t come from a death—but from a loss that feels invisible to others. This is the reality of ambiguous loss and disenfranchised grief, two often-overlooked forms of mourning that can deeply affect mental and emotional well-being.
As a grief therapist in Ontario, I work with individuals navigating the complex terrain of these silent losses. Understanding what you’re going through is the first step toward healing.
What is Ambiguous Loss?
Coined by Dr. Pauline Boss, ambiguous loss refers to a type of grief where there is no clear resolution. This might look like:
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A loved one living with dementia or Alzheimer’s
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A person estranged from their family
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A partner who is physically present but emotionally distant
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Loss due to immigration, adoption, job loss, or incarceration
In these cases, the person is not fully “gone,” but they are not fully “here” either. This limbo state can create chronic sorrow, confusion, shame, and even guilt.
What is Disenfranchised Grief?
Disenfranchised grief, a term introduced by Dr. Kenneth Doka, describes grief that is not acknowledged by society. You may feel this if:
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You’re mourning the loss of a pet and others say “it’s just an animal”
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You’ve lost an ex-partner, estranged parent, or former friend
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You’ve experienced a miscarriage or fertility struggles
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You’re grieving a job, identity, or role that deeply mattered to you. When grief isn’t validated, it can lead to isolation, loneliness depression, shame, and delayed healing.
Case Studies: Navigating the Invisible
Sarah, a 42-year-old woman (composite), came to therapy after years of trying to cope with a mother with severe mental illness — something that came later in life. “She’s alive,” Sarah said, “but she’s not the mom I knew.” Her friends didn’t understand why she was so distraught—they said she should be grateful her mom was still alive.
Alison (composite), a 45-year-old woman, came to therapy distraught over the fact that the son she had felt so close to, cut contact with her after starting to date a woman who felt threatened by his closeness to his mother and family. She felt afraid to tell friends for fear she would somehow be blamed for being a ‘bad mother’.
Jon (composite), 39, came to therapy grieving the loss of his brother who had died by suicide. He felt the stigma of suicide within his own family and felt he had no one to turn to for support about this feeling of loss. Jon felt alone in his grief, realizing that even those closest to him, did not want to talk about the circumstances surrounding his brother’s death.
Together in therapy, we explored ambiguous loss and disenfranchized grief, and normalized their grief response. In some cases, we used rituals and meaning-making techniques to help her honour the relationships as they once were, and find new ways to stay connected and grow through what sometimes felt like traumatic wounds.
Approaches to Healing from Invisible Grief
If you’re navigating ambiguous loss or disenfranchised grief, you are not alone—and there is help. As a psychotherapist, I use evidence-based approaches including:
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Grief Processing Techniques: these involve adjusting, emotional processing, finding meaning and connection, expanding a circle of support. This can also involve creating rituals to honour your loss and helping establish daily practices that may involve journaling, meditation, being in nature, getting exercise, adequate rest, and more.
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Somatic and Mindfulness-Based Work: To gently support the body through the emotional overwhelm that these types of grief often bring. This may also involve EMDR.
Grief is not linear. And with ambiguous or disenfranchised grief, healing often means learning to live with questions, rather than answers.
How I Can Help You as a Grief Therapist in Ontario
Whether your grief is visible to others or not, your experience is real. In my Ontario-based psychotherapy practice (virtual or in-person), I offer a safe, compassionate space for you to unpack your loss, feel seen, better cope, and begin the healing process.
I help clients who are:
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Experiencing grief from transitions in their parents such as dementia, miscarriage, infertility, or estrangement
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Navigating grief that others don’t understand
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Feeling stuck in prolonged or complicated grief
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Seeking therapy that honours the uniqueness of their loss
We’ll work at your pace, with no pressure to “move on”—only a gentle invitation to move through.
You Deserve Support in Your Grief Journey
Grief doesn’t need to be validated by others to be real. If you’re struggling with ambiguous loss or disenfranchised grief in Ontario, you deserve support from someone who understands the depth and complexity of what you’re going through.
Ready to begin? Let’s talk.
Virtual therapy available across Ontario. In-person sessions offered in Hamilton, Ontario
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