The Canadian Thanksgiving leftovers are barely gone, and already the air is shifting — cooler mornings, shorter days, and talk of upcoming holidays like Halloween, Christmas and New Years. But for many, this season brings not just coziness and celebration — it brings a quiet ache. Maybe friends who usually gather for Friendsgiving chose to travel elsewhere this year. Maybe family plans shifted, or old traditions dissolved without acknowledgment or conversation. Maybe a close friend you once counted on has moved away, started a new circle, or just made other plans, leaving you feeling strangely out of place. Maybe this is compounded by distance from family — physical or chosen due to estrangement, or conflict.
If you’ve found yourself scrolling social media feeling left out, jealous, threatened, or suddenly lonely, you’re not alone. The holidays have a way of stirring up old stories — those deep attachment wounds that whisper, I’m being left behind, I’m not enough, I’m unimportant, I’m unwanted, I don’t matter anymore.
These reactions aren’t signs of weakness or immaturity. They’re signs of longing — of how deeply wired we are for belonging, inclusion, and connection. This is about being human.
When Change Feels Like Rejection
Friendship changes can feel like small heartbreaks. Even when you rationally understand that people grow, move, or need space or change, something in your body can react as if you’ve been abandoned. That’s because these present-day experiences often awaken older emotional imprints — memories of not being chosen, being left out, or feeling like love had to be earned. For those of you trained to overgive, even at the expense of your own wants or needs, this can feel particularly painful.
As the holidays approach, those feelings intensify. You might see photos of others gathering and think:
• “Why wasn’t I invited?”
• “They’re closer to each other than to me.”
• “Maybe I did something wrong.”
We might simplify this pain by calling it FOMO. But these thoughts and the feelings that go along with them, echo the voices of our younger selves — the parts that once learned to equate being left out with not being lovable.
Consider the case of Casey (composite case study), who was already dealing with grief, and rejection sensitivity related to emotional neglect in childhood and partial estrangement from their family. Casey stopped attending family holiday functions due to feeling singled out and targeted during these functions – then labelled as too sensitive and problematic if they spoke up. While Casey felt the need to pull back for their mental health, the family continued to gather without them and contact around the holidays ceased. Seeing their “happy” posts on social media exacerbated feelings of not belonging and grief. To cope, they started their own traditions with friends over thanksgiving and Christmas that lasted for several years and helped ease annual bouts of loneliness and grief. It helped bring meaning, purpose, and belonging back to the holidays. Then one day, with casual notice, some of their friends announced they had made other plans with other friends and family this year. Casey’s heart dropped. They knew it wasn’t personal – but it felt that way. They felt a wave of both jealousy and grief, as well as old memories of feeling unwanted and lonely. They felt hurt that their well meaning friends did not appear to understand the meaning Casey gave to these gatherings. They wanted to share these feelings with their friends but feared being seen as too sensitive and feared driving them away. Speaking up in their first family never went well. Their feelings would be minimized or discounted. Their nervous system knew this. They felt burdened additionally by shame for even having these feelings that are often misunderstood or seen as undesirable and unacceptable. They felt stuck, lonely, jealous, ashamed, and confused by their emotions and wished they could just adapt with ease.
Healing the Pain Beneath the Jealousy
Therapy can help unravel these emotional knots so you can respond from compassion, not shame.
I work from a number of therapeutic models – tailoring therapy to the person I see and hear before me. I tend to combine a number of approaches including mindful self compassion, emotionally focused therapy, EMDR, IFS. We will work to not only manage some of the surface level symptoms, but get to healing the root of your suffering. Here are some examples of how some modalities can help:
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps you gently meet the parts of you that feel jealous, abandoned, or rejected. Instead of pushing them away, IFS helps you listen to them with curiosity and care. Often, these parts are just younger versions of yourself still longing to feel safe and seen. Through IFS therapy, you can soothe their pain and develop a stronger, steadier Self that leads with wisdom, and compassion rather than self-criticism. In parts work, we help you welcome all parts with compassion and understanding.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy works on the deeper, often subconscious level — where the old memories and core beliefs live. EMDR helps your brain reprocess those early attachment wounds so they no longer hold the same emotional charge. The belief that “I’m not enough” can be replaced with “I am worthy of love and belonging,” creating new emotional freedom.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps normalize these emotional experiences and reconnect you with your attachment needs. EFT therapy explores how your emotions make sense — that jealousy, grief, and longing are human, not shameful. It helps you build healthy emotional expression and trust in relationships again.
Reclaiming Belonging During the Holidays
Healing attachment wounds isn’t about becoming immune to loneliness, grief, or jealousy. It’s about understanding where these feelings come from and learning to hold them gently. When you can recognize your emotions as signals rather than proof of rejection, you open the door to deeper connection — with yourself and others.
Narrative therapy, existential therapy, Mindfulness, interpersonal therapy, and CBT can also help. These modalities can help you learn to better tolerate or cope with big emotions when they come up; reframe certain narratives, make meaning in other ways; adapt to disappointment, and communicate in ways that are more likely to strengthen bonds with others.
Therapy offers that safe space to rewrite your emotional story: to move from “I’m being left behind” to “I can care for myself and still connect”, and “I still matter”. Whether through therapy that incorporates grief work, parts work and IFS, EMDR, or EFT, the goal is the same — to help you feel grounded, worthy, and connected, even as the seasons and friendships shift.
This year, as the holidays unfold differently, remember: change doesn’t erase connection. It asks us to grow with it.
A Gentle Next Step
If this season feels heavier than usual — if you’re navigating grief, friendship loss, life transitions, or the quiet ache of loneliness — therapy can help you find steadiness and self-compassion again.
I offer in-person therapy in Hamilton, Ontario, and online therapy across Ontario for individuals, couples, and families working through grief, loneliness, abandonment wounds, friendship changes, and childhood pain.
You don’t have to carry these feelings alone. Healing begins in connection — sometimes, one brave conversation at a time.
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