A lot of people arrive in therapy frustrated with themselves.
They say things like:
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“I don’t understand why I keep choosing the same kind of partner.”
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“I shut down during conflict even though I want to closeness.”
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“I panic when things feel uncertain, and then I push people away or I pull away.”
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“We keep having the same fight, just with different words.”
Attachment theory helps explain why insight alone doesn’t change relationship patterns. When relationships feel threatened, the nervous system takes over — and it uses strategies that were learned early in life.
In couples therapy, this often shows up as a familiar cycle. One partner reaches, questions, or escalates. The other withdraws, shuts down, or goes quiet. Both feel unseen. Both feel alone. And both are often protecting against the same fear: losing connection.
An attachment-focused therapist listens underneath the arguments. They’re paying attention to how each partner learned to manage closeness, conflict, and emotional risk. The work isn’t about teaching better communication scripts — it’s about helping each person feel safer enough to stay emotionally present.
For individuals, attachment-informed therapy can bring clarity to dating struggles, boundary issues, or chronic dissatisfaction in relationships. Patterns start to make sense. Shame softens. Self-understanding grows.
For families, an attachment lens helps address emotional ruptures across generations. Parenting can activate unresolved attachment wounds, especially under stress. Therapy focuses on repair, responsiveness, and rebuilding trust — not perfection.
Research supports that attachment security can change over time through consistent, emotionally responsive relationships. Therapy becomes a place where rupture and repair happen in real time — where clients experience that conflict doesn’t have to mean disconnection.
In my work with clients, I draw from evidence-based approaches that integrate Gottman, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Emotionally Focused Family Therapy, Terry Real’s work with RLT — of of which have an attachment lens. If you’re seeking relationship therapy in Hamilton — individually, as a couple, or as a family — working with a therapist who integrates attachment, trauma-informed care, and a relational lens (in other words, we are not islands and it is not just about “me, myself and I” — I exist in relationship to myself, and others) can help you understand why these patterns exist and how they can shift.
If this resonates, please reach out for a free consultation.
Disclaimer: This blog is intended for informational purposes and is not a substitute for mental health care. If you are experiencing a crisis, please contact your doctor, 911 or an emergency response line.
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