Every September 30th, Canada observes the National Day for Truth and Reconciliation—a day to honour the children who never came home from residential schools, the survivors who endured them, and the families and communities forever changed. The legacy of these schools is not only part of history—it continues to shape the present through grief, loss, and intergenerational trauma.
As a psychotherapist in Hamilton, serving clients across Ontario, I may not work directly with Indigenous clients, but I believe it is important to recognize this day and to reflect on the ways trauma and grief are carried through generations. The patterns seen in residential school survivors and their descendants echo in the experiences of families impacted by colonialism, genocide, war, displacement, and systemic oppression worldwide.
When trauma is unhealed, it gets passed down—reshaping families, relationships, and communities. And many people who reach out for grief counselling or therapy for trauma are unknowingly carrying pieces of these stories in their own lives.
What Is Intergenerational Trauma?
Intergenerational trauma happens when unresolved grief and trauma are transmitted from one generation to the next. Research shows that trauma doesn’t just affect emotions—it influences stress responses, parenting styles, family dynamics, and even genetic expression.
Survivors of atrocities may not speak of their pain, but their children and grandchildren often absorb the silence, the fear, and the grief that lingers beneath the surface. This can show up as anxiety, depression, shame, or disconnection from identity—all common reasons people seek therapy.
In Canada, the residential school system severed families, cultural traditions, and languages. Around the world, we see similar patterns in the descendants of the Holocaust, the Rwandan genocide, the Cambodian genocide, the partition of India and Pakistan, the transatlantic slave trade, and survivors of more recent conflicts.
The details differ, but the impact is the same: grief that does not end when the event ends.
Ambiguous and Disenfranchised Grief
One of the most painful aspects of intergenerational trauma is ambiguous loss—grief that cannot be fully named or mourned. For Indigenous families, children disappeared into institutions, often never returning. For refugees, it may be loved ones missing, homelands left behind, or traditions erased.
Alongside this is disenfranchised grief—grief that society does not acknowledge or validate. Survivors and their descendants may be told to “move on” or have their pain dismissed. Without acknowledgment, grief becomes heavier, more isolating, and harder to heal.
This is often when people seek grief therapy or counselling—a safe place to name losses, validate feelings, and begin healing.
Moral Injury, Shame, and Helplessness
Trauma often carries with it moral injury—the wound of dignity, values, or humanity being betrayed. Survivors of residential schools were shamed for their language and culture. Survivors of war and genocide often carry guilt for surviving while others did not.
Even descendants may inherit shame, guilt, or confusion about identity. And in society at large, many carry helplessness or guilt when confronted with historical or ongoing injustice. This grief is layered—not just personal, but collective.
Trauma, Grief, and Societal Violence
When trauma and grief remain unaddressed, they do not disappear. Instead, they surface in cycles of rage, polarization, and even violence. Around the world, communities continue to struggle with the unhealed wounds of colonialism, genocide, and systemic oppression.
Intergenerational trauma is not only personal—it is collective. Without healing, it can fuel division. With acknowledgment, empathy, and repair, it can be transformed into resilience and deeper connection.
Honouring Truth and Reconciliation
On the National Day for Truth and Reconciliation, Canadians are called to pause, listen, and learn. Honouring Indigenous survivors means bearing witness to their stories and acknowledging the harm done.
But it also reminds us that healing grief and trauma is a universal need. Whether in Canada, the United States, Rwanda, Armenia, Cambodia, or the Middle East, the same themes emerge: unresolved grief, shame, and the longing for justice.
We can all play a part in breaking these cycles by:
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Listening deeply and without defensiveness.
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Naming losses clearly, even when painful.
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Validating grief that has been silenced or dismissed.
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Supporting resilience through culture, storytelling, and safe relationships.
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Meeting shame with compassion, rather than silence.
Moving Forward Together: Finding Support for Grief and Trauma
Grief can be transformed into resilience when it is held in community. Healing takes place in safe relationships—within families, in friendships, in therapy, and in society as a whole. Therapy can help us learn to hear others’ truths without defensiveness or toxic shame. It can help us learn to communicate with compassion and empathy. It can help us feel more empowered to speak up against injustice and in ways that align with our values. It can help us find or make meaning out of events that make us feel out of control.
The National Day for Truth and Reconciliation reminds us that healing is both possible and necessary—for individuals, families, and communities. Intergenerational trauma may be powerful, but it does not have to define the future.
If you notice patterns of anxiety, shame, or unresolved grief in your family story, you are not alone. Grief therapy and trauma counselling can provide a safe and compassionate space to explore these legacies and to begin creating new pathways forward.
In my psychotherapy practice, I help individuals process grief, understand intergenerational patterns, and find resilience. Together, we can untangle the weight of the past and create room for healing, connection, and hope.
Disclaimer: This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a replacement for psychotherapy or medical care. If you are in need of support or are in crisis, please reach out to your health provider, therapist, or another trusted resource.
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