You may not think of yourself as someone who’s “angry.” Who wants that? But maybe you’re the one who bottles things up until you explode, or run, or you turn that anger inward, judging yourself for feeling anything at all. Or maybe you’ve been told you have a “short fuse,” and deep down, you hate that feeling of losing control. You may have a core belief deep down about yourself that says “you’re a bad person/partner/parent/child/sibling/friend” that arise in moments you react, be it outwardly, or inwardly.
What I often see in therapy is that anger isn’t the real problem—it’s the signal of something deeper. Beneath the outbursts or shutdowns is often unprocessed trauma, emotional neglect, unmet needs, which may mean years of having to stay composed when what you really needed was comfort.
Anger as a Messenger, Not a Monster
When we’ve lived through trauma—whether obvious or subtle—our nervous system learns to stay ready for danger. Anger becomes the body’s alarm system. It says, “I won’t be powerless again.”
The trouble is, that alarm can go off even when there’s no real threat—during a disagreement with a partner, at work, or with your kids. You might find yourself reacting before you even know why.
In my therapy practice in Hamilton, Ontario, whether I am treating individuals, couples, or families, we start by trying to slow things down—not to suppress anger, but to listen to it. EMDR, IFS, Mindful Self compassion, and attachment-based trauma therapy help us trace that emotional spark back to its roots. We learn to meet the younger parts of you that had to get loud to be heard or had to shut down to stay safe.
Learning Safe Expression
Through this work, you’ll begin to recognize the difference between reactivity and response. You’ll learn to feel anger without being ruled by it.
For example, an IFS-informed session might explore:
“What’s the part of you that shows up when you feel dismissed? What does it need?”
Or in an EFT-informed approach, we might notice how anger shows up as protest—your nervous system’s way of saying, “Please see me. Please care.”
Once we know how anger is working and why it is showing up, EFFT, EFT, Gottman Therapy, RLT and Interpersonal Therapy (IPT) can help us develop new skills to relate better to others and to ourselves.
Therapy doesn’t make you “less angry.” It helps you express the more vulnerable parts of you that your anger has been trying to protect.
Moving from Fire to Flow
Healing trauma is in part, about learning regulation—how to come back to yourself after being triggered. It’s about feeling grounded in your body again and finding ways to express emotion without fear or shame.
With compassion and skill, we explore your defence patterns, and how to bring safety back to your relationships—first with yourself, then with others.
In-Person and Online Trauma Therapy in Hamilton, Ontario
If you’re tired of feeling reactive, ashamed, or misunderstood, there’s another way. Together, we can explore what your anger is really telling you—and help you find steadiness, strength, self compassion, and self-respect in the process.
Reach out today for individual, couples, or family therapy. I am available in-person in Hamilton, Ontario, or online anywhere in Ontario.
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