This morning, while out on my bike, I stopped to chat with another cyclist. He shared that he was spending part of his Father’s Day riding to places that had been meaningful to his father, who died a few years ago. He planned to cycle past his father’s former workplace and other locations connected to memories they shared.
It struck me as such a beautiful tribute.
I don’t know his story. I don’t know whether his relationship with his father was uncomplicated, close, conflicted, or somewhere in between. What I do know, as a psychotherapist who works with family conflict, grief, estrangement, and relationships, is that our stories with our fathers are rarely straightforward.
Last night, over dinner with friends, we found ourselves talking about fathers too. It seems fitting. Father’s Day often invites reflection—not just on who our fathers were, but on what they could and could not give us.
For many Gen X adults and older millennials, fatherhood looked very different than it does today. Many fathers were loving providers, hardworking men who carried enormous responsibility. Yet they often grew up in a culture that discouraged emotional vulnerability. Intimate conversations, emotional attunement, and open discussions about mental health were not what they witnessed, learned, or were expected to do.
Many fathers loved deeply but struggled to express it in ways their children could recognize.
Today, the system has changed.
Children and adult children have different expectations of parents than previous generations did. Emotional availability matters. Accountability matters. Repair matters. The balance of power within families has shifted significantly. Adult children are more likely to set boundaries, seek therapy, and make decisions based on emotional well-being rather than obligation alone.
For some fathers, this shift can feel bewildering.
Many are shocked when contact decreases or disappears entirely. They may genuinely not understand what happened. Others recognize past mistakes but feel overwhelmed by shame, defensiveness, or uncertainty about how to reconnect.
At the same time, many adult children carry legitimate pain. Research on family estrangement consistently shows that cutoffs rarely emerge from a single event. More often, they develop over years of unresolved hurt, unmet emotional needs, family conflict, invalidation, or repeated ruptures that were never repaired.
Yet the public conversation around estrangement can sometimes become overly simplistic.
We live in a culture increasingly comfortable with the language of boundaries. Boundaries are important. Sometimes distance is necessary and healthy. Yet family relationships are often far more complex than social media narratives allow. Real families contain love and hurt, loyalty and disappointment, generosity and wounds.
Few people arrive at estrangement without grief.
Whether you are the parent or the adult child, estrangement often creates what family therapists call ambiguous loss—a loss that lacks closure. The person is still alive, yet unavailable. There is no funeral. No clear ending. No socially recognized ritual for mourning.
Instead, there are empty chairs at holidays. Missed birthdays. Unanswered texts. Questions that linger for years.
This Father’s Day, I find myself thinking about all of those stories.
The fathers being celebrated.
The fathers being remembered.
The fathers who are estranged from their children.
The adult children who are estranged from their fathers.
The fathers carrying regret.
The children carrying hurt.
And the many people caught somewhere in the complicated middle.
If this is your story, know that healing does not always mean reconciliation. Sometimes therapy focuses on rebuilding a relationship. Sometimes it focuses on creating conditions that make reconciliation possible. Sometimes it involves grieving what was never received. Sometimes it means reconciling with yourself and releasing the weight of shame, guilt, anger, or responsibility you have carried for years.
Healing can take many forms.
As a psychotherapist in Hamilton and across Ontario, I work with individuals, couples, and families navigating family estrangement, parent-child conflict, grief, ambiguous loss, attachment wounds, and relationship repair. Together, we explore not only what happened, but how to move forward in a way that is grounded, compassionate, and emotionally honest.
And today, on Father’s Day, I want to extend good wishes to all fathers and all adult children—including those who are currently disconnected from one another.
May there be room for reflection.
May there be room for grief.
May there be room for accountability.
May there be room for compassion.
And where possible, may there be room for repair.
If you are struggling with family conflict, estrangement, ambiguous loss, grief, parent-child relationship issues, or the emotional impact of family cutoffs, therapy can help. Visit my other pages on OntarioTherapist.com to learn more about individual, couples, and family therapy services, or contact me to schedule a free, 15 minute consultation.
Disclaimer: This blog is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for psychotherapy, mental health treatment, or professional advice.
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