Imagine this: Carrie, a 42-year-old professional and mother of two, sits in her car after a long day of work, staring blankly at the grocery store entrance. She knows she needs to go inside, but the thought of deciding what to cook for dinner feels exhausting. After a full day of making decisions—at work, at home, and in between—she’s mentally drained. Instead of forcing herself to decide, she drives home, orders takeout, and then feels guilty for “being lazy”, not “getting it together” and not feeding her kids the way a “good mom should”.
Carrie isn’t lazy. She isn’t failing. She’s experiencing decision fatigue—a mental exhaustion that can be especially paralyzing for those struggling with depression.
What Is Decision Fatigue?
Decision fatigue is the psychological exhaustion that results from making too many choices throughout the day. Research shows that the brain, much like a muscle, tires out after excessive use. The more decisions we make—whether trivial (“What should I wear?”) or significant (“Should I change careers?”)—the more our cognitive resources deplete, that can lead to:
– Mental exhaustion
– Increased avoidance or procrastination
– Poor decision-making or impulsivity
For individuals with depression, decision fatigue can be even more overwhelming. Depression already saps motivation, clouds thinking, and impairs executive function, making choices—especially those requiring effort—feel impossible.
The Science Behind Decision Fatigue and Depression
1. Depression Disrupts Executive Functioning
The prefrontal cortex, responsible for planning, problem-solving, and decision-making, is directly impacted by depression. Studies using fMRI scans show that individuals with depression exhibit reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex, making it harder to organize, process options, plan, weigh pros and cons, and execute take action. This leads to mental gridlock, where even simple choices—like picking an outfit or responding to an email—feel overwhelming.
2. Emotional Exhaustion Plays a Role
As psychotherapists, we understand the link between emotions and decision-making. When someone is depressed, emotional resources are already depleted due to stress, negative self-talk, and often, unresolved trauma. For many, the wounded inner child—the part of us that carries early emotional injuries—takes over. If someone grew up in an environment where they had to be hyper-responsible, making decisions as an adult can feel especially exhausting.
Carrie’s Story: Carrie was the “responsible one” in her family, forced to make adult decisions as a child. Now, even small decisions trigger a deep exhaustion rooted in those early experiences
For Carrie, decision fatigue isn’t just about exhaustion—it’s about a lifetime of carrying emotional burdens alone.
Breaking the Cycle: While it is important to get to the root of these problems, there are also steps you can take in the here and now to reduce decision fatigue and ease depression. Here are a few:
1. Reduce Unnecessary Decisions
Minimizing daily choices can help conserve mental energy. Try:
– Creating routines (e.g., planning weekly meals or setting a morning schedule).
– Wearing a “uniform” (a set of go-to outfits to reduce decision fatigue).
– Batching decisions (making choices in advance rather than on the spot).
Tip: If even these choices feel overwhelming, break them down into smaller steps. Instead of planning a full week of meals, choose one go-to breakfast option. Also consider calling in a support team or partner or even an app or online search to help.
2. Try Identifying Your Inner Child’s Needs
Depression often stems from unmet emotional needs from childhood. When decision fatigue strikes, ask yourself:
– “What does my younger self need right now?”
– “Am I expecting myself to be perfect or handle everything alone?” (shame and guilt)
– “Can I give myself permission to take the easiest/an easier path today?” (self compassion)
Strategy: Talk to your inner child as you would a close friend – with validation and empathy (self talk). You might say “It’s okay to feel stuck. It may even make sense with everything else you have on your plate…You’re not failing…You’ve got this.” Self-compassion reduces the weight of decisions. Remember that judging yourself when you are already feeling low, won’t likely be the best motivator.
3. Use Grounding Techniques
When the brain is overwhelmed, grounding exercises can reset the nervous system and improve clarity.
– Deep breathing (Box or trapezoid breathing).
– Mindfulness exercises to increase present-moment awareness.
Example: Before making a difficult choice, pause and take five deep breaths. This small reset can help shift the brain out of shutdown mode.
4. Give Yourself Permission to “Decide Not to Decide”
Not every decision has to be made immediately. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, try saying:
– “I don’t have to decide this right now.”
– “I’ll revisit this when I have more clarity.”
– “It’s okay to choose the easiest/an easier option today.”
5. Seek Support (You Don’t Have to Do It Alone)
Depression and decision fatigue thrive in isolation. Therapy can help:
– Uncover emotional patterns driving exhaustion.
– Teach self-regulation tools for decision-making.
– Provide a safe space to process feelings of overwhelm.
– Work to address some of the root causes of the problem.
Case Study: How Carrie Found Relief
Carrie started therapy feeling exhausted and ashamed of struggling with “simple” decisions. Through therapy, she discovered that her decision paralysis was rooted in childhood experiences of being forced into responsibility too soon.
Through therapy, she learned to:
– Set small, manageable goals instead of expecting herself to make big decisions effortlessly.
– Develop self-compassion, recognizing that exhaustion is not failure.
– Identify when her inner child was feeling overwhelmed and respond with kindness.
Over time, Carrie noticed a shift. She stopped shutting down over small choices. She created simple routines to minimize decision fatigue. She asked for more help from others. Most importantly, she let go of the shame around feeling stuck.
You’re Not Alone—Help Is Available
If decision fatigue and depression are making life feel overwhelming, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Therapy can help you uncover deeper patterns, reconnect with your emotional needs, and build practical tools for clarity and ease.
Are you ready to break free from decision fatigue and reclaim your energy? Let’s work together to help you move from overwhelm to clarity. Send me an email and let’s take the first step toward healing.
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