If you found your way here, maybe you’re feeling a knot in your chest or stomach thinking about Christmas morning or any winter holiday. Maybe it’s an empty chair where someone used to sit. Maybe you’re dreading the pressure to be festive, while inside you feel numb, angry, sad, or guilty for laughing at something silly.
Maybe you’ve been googling therapists, scrolling endlessly, telling yourself you’ll reach out next week. I get it. Starting therapy is vulnerable. It asks something honest and courageous of you. But if you’re reading this, something in you already knows you don’t want to carry this alone anymore.
Grief and Joy Aren’t Opposites — They Can Co-exist
As a therapist, I don’t approach grief isn’t a problem to fix; I draw from grief experts who reframe grief as love without a place to land. During the holidays, that longing can intensify — what grief expert David Kessler calls “grief bursts”: this could be sudden waves of emotions and memories triggered by a smell, a song, a holiday card, or seeing someone share family photos you wish you still had.
And then there are “joy bursts”: those unexpected flickers of glimmers of warmth — a shared laugh, twinkling lights, a child’s excitement — that can make you feel alive for a moment, that may be followed by guilt: How can I feel joy when I’m grieving?
This inner tug-of-war is normal. It doesn’t mean you’re moving on too fast or not healing right. It means your grief is alive, integrated into your nervous system and emotional world.
When Grief Becomes Trauma or Depression
Sometimes grief becomes complicated grief or gets stuck in the nervous system like trauma. Clients might say:
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I can’t seem to access joy anymore.
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I feel numb or shut down when others seem happy.
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My grief feels endless or gets worse around holidays.
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The anxiety of anticipating the holidays is overwhelming.
When we don’t have space or support to process grief fully, it can evolve into depression, chronic anxiety, relational disconnection, or physical symptoms.
In therapy, we explore the roots, not just coping tools. We slow down and work with the body, parts, attachment wounds, family system dynamics, cultural expectations, and grief beliefs passed down through generations, that might shame us for feeling sad when we “should” be happy.
We explore how to soften the internal pressure to “keep it together.”
How Therapy Can Help You Hold Grief and Joy Gently
Working from an integrative lens which may involve trauma-informed grief therapy, parts work, EMDR-informed processing, couples and family therapy, somatic awareness, attachment lenses, and emotionally focused approaches, we can work toward:
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understanding and normalizing grief responses
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processing traumatic elements of loss
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working through grief bursts safely
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creating rituals that honour your person or relationship
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preparing for holiday triggers
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helping partners or family support you
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navigating conflicting emotions in blended families
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reclaiming moments of joy without guilt
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strengthening emotional regulation and nervous-system safety
Consider the case of a woman grieving her mother dreaded Christmas dinner. Or a client newly separated over the holidays, missing his former life and children. Both of these people feel pressure from extended family to show up cheerful, and feel shame for wanting to skip it. With the first case, we might work with the protective parts trying to help her “perform fine.” With the second case, we’d work with the parts who are more inclined to run and hide instead of speaking up for what he needs this year. We would work to process grief bursts linked to memories of her mother’s cooking in the first case, and visions of happier times with his children and ex-partner on Christmas morning. With both clients, we might practice grounding and self soothing tools and clarify boundaries so they could attend dinners with agency instead of obligation. The hope would be to allow for small joy burst experiences while also honouring their pain.
Your Grief and Joy Deserve Witnessing
Therapy isn’t about clichés, toxic positivity, or pushing you to “find gratitude.” It’s about exploring the truth of your experience — messy, tender, contradictory — and making room for your authentic voice.
If you are in Hamilton, Burlington, Niagara, or anywhere in Ontario, I offer both online and in-person grief therapy, anxiety therapy, couples therapy, and family therapy. With warmth, depth, humour, honesty, and fierce compassion, I walk beside you as you learn to hold grief and joy, pain and possibility, at the same time.
Ready for support?
You don’t have to untangle this alone. Reach out and let’s have a conversation. Therapy can be a space to learn, to feel, to rest, and to reconnect to the possibility of joy — even if it feels far away.
Disclaimer
This blog is for information only and is not a substitute for therapy, assessment, or medical advice.
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Work with me online across Ontario, or in person in the Hamilton/Niagara region.
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